5 Ways to Help Your Girl Increase Her Confidence
Girls today get a lot of conflicting signals at school, from friends, and through mass media about who they are and what they can be. They receive many mixed messages about their bodies and their abilities. In a Harris poll, 3rd through 12th grade girls were asked about gender stereotypes, their quality of life, and their future plans.
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52% said people think girls are interested only in love and romance.
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59% said girls are told not to brag about things they do well.
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62% said in school, boys think they have a right to discuss girls’ bodies in public.
Until you can get your daughter to Camp Kupugani and our intentionally empowering activities and supportive environment, here are some thoughts on how to keep her strong, confident, and on track to being a powerful, independent woman.
Provide her with powerful role models.
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You are your child’s best role model; as an empowered, smart and strong woman yourself, your girl will emulate you. Therefore, accept and celebrate yourself and be aware of your own self-esteem; if you’re not monitoring your own messages, you may be passing on negative lessons. Additionally, by modeling stress-management skills like setting realistic goals, prioritizing, and getting enough sleep and exercise, you help set a great tone for her.
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Empower her by making her feel part of a larger community. Involving positive relatives, neighbors, and friends help raise a daughter who feels connected. Introduce her to women she can admire for their accomplishments-perhaps checking out a community play or a women’s sporting event. Have her hang out with Kupugani counselors-women who are strong, confident, and empowered themselves.
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Make sure too that her school is doing its job regarding role modeling. This means meeting with teachers, looking at your books your daughter reads for class, and asking lots of questions!
Teach your daughter how to be assertive.
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Empower her to speak her mind by making it safe in your home for her to do so. Tell and show her that she can express her own opinions, which hopefully sometimes differ from yours. However, be sure that she recognizes the big difference between being opinionated and being disrespectful. By teaching your daughter these skills, she will be more than prepared to handle negative peer pressure, such as how to say no.
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Show your daughter that violence is never acceptable. By seeing your relationship with your partner and with her, she will learn by example to determine what is normal for her.
Teach your daughter to respect herself and her body.
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Appreciate your daughter for who she is, not who you (or others) think she should be. Encourage her to achieve and excel, while emphasizing that you accept her for who she is by supporting her developing an identity based on her talents and interests.
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Downplay appearance and weight, emphasizing that a beautiful body is a healthy and strong one.
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Teach your daughter that it is more important to be smart than pretty. Praise her schoolwork and smarts more than you praise her looks.
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As the parent, you can control if/whether your daughter dresses provocatively and/or wears too much makeup.
Maximize time together to build a strong bond with your daughter.
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Numerous studies show how campers learn new skills, and gain confidence and self-esteem. You can promote that same sense of accomplishment at home by recognizing your daughter’s strengths, skills, and interests. Heap praise on your daughter. Make special time each week to just listen to her thoughts and feelings, fears and concerns. Ask her about school, friends, activities and interests, and attend her school events and recreational activities; she will feel loved and enjoy school more. Talk to her about tough issues. Enjoy each other’s company.
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Show your unconditional love, AND monitor your daughter’s activities and behaviors with love and limits; this is effective in reducing tendencies to engage in risky behaviors. Always be able to answer the where, what, and who regarding what she is doing. Know her friends and her friends’ parents. Have regular check-in times.
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Limit TV and Internet time. When your daughter does watch TV, watch with her whenever possible and critique it together. Most girls feel that they don’t see “themselves” on television, and that their issues of concern-like divorce, making friends, drugs, and sexuality- aren’t being addressed in a relevant way. Help combat negative gender media stereotypes. Ask her what she thinks a certain show says about girls. Discuss the messages about bodies, and if the girls on TV look the way real people look.
Explain why diversifying her friends is important. She’ll feel less pressure to follow the crowd if she spends time with other kids, and is exposed to other ideas and other ways of doing things.
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Mix up her peer group by signing her up for non-school-based activities, like self defense, skating, or pottery class.
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Create opportunities for her to be with girls in communities and activities where girls can do what they want regardless of proficiency. Give her chances to try things that might lead to strong interests and careers, without the pressure to win. Think “outside of the box” too: take her fishing; have her help work on the car; help her build a soapbox derby car.
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Register her for Camp Kupugani, where girls from different backgrounds, cultures, and communities gather to empower themselves, learn from each other and about themselves, and have fun changing their world!