Why People Don’t Believe That I’m Shy
I’m shy. Although most non-shy people don’t believe me when I tell them that. True, as a director of a summer camp, I’m aware that most people in similar positions are innately comfortable with speaking in front of groups and/or interacting with new and different people. And yet, I’m shy.
Filled with apprehension, sweaty armpits, accelerated heartbeat, and other psycho-social nervous ramifications when put into situations filled with new people, I’ve nonetheless learned to cope. Recently, I’ve been reading David and Goliath, by (fellow Jamaican Canadian) Malcolm Gladwell. It has helped put a cogent explanation onto what I feel.
As Gladwell posits: “Most of the learning that we do is capitalization learning. It is easy and obvious. If you have a beautiful voice and perfect pitch, it doesn’t take much to get you to join a choir. ‘Compensation learning,’ on the other hand, is really hard. Memorizing what your mother says while she reads to you and then reproducing the words later in such a way that it sounds convincing to all those around you requires that you confront your limitations. It requires that you overcome your insecurity and humiliation. It requires that you focus hard enough to memorize the words, and then have the panache to put on a successful performance. Most people with a serious disability cannot master all those steps. But those who can are better off than they would have been otherwise, because what is what is learned out of necessity is inevitably more powerful than the learning that comes easily.” (p. 113, David and Goliath, Little, Brown and Company, 2013)
For me, this theory can help explain to others (who don’t believe me when I say I’m shy) how I can pretend not to be shy when I need to do so. It also explains why at our girls-only and boys-only summer camp sessions, we’re sure to help our campers challenge themselves to go beyond their (self- or other-) perceived limitations. It is by overcoming those challenges that dramatic and transformative growth occurs.
I’m shy. But it doesn’t have to limit me.