Tips for Maximizing Your Son’s Development
During the boys-only session of our summer camp, we recognize that boys come in all shapes, temperaments, and characters. The more we can encourage them to explore and truly be themselves, the more they develop their unique characters. Blogger Lauren Knight (see her blogs at Crumb Bums shared some good tips regarding maximizing her boys’ development. See the full Washington Post article, entitled “5 Things I Learned About Raising Boys (So Far)” here, with her condensed language below with our headlines.
Encourage Physical Activity
Encourage it. Let them roughhouse a bit, and make a safe place for that to happen. According to experts, physical play and roughhousing promotes healthy intelligence, physical fitness, helps foster positive relationships, and provides endorphins and rushes of oxytocin.
Value Your Boy’s Sensitivity
Despite what society may project upon males of all ages, boys are just as sensitive as girls, if not more so. An article by research psychologist and gender scholar, Peggy Drexler, cites research that found boys cry more when they are upset and have a harder time calming down. Boys are more easily stressed and more fragile medically and emotionally. Yet research shows that parents ask daughters how they feel more often than they ask sons, and when daughters get hurt, parents tend to comfort them more than they comfort sons. Avoid saying things like, “Get up, you’re fine,” or “Suck it up.” These statements send the message that our boys’ emotions and sensitivity are not valued.
To Discuss Something Serious, Try It While Being Active
Sitting down to a face-to-face conversation can feel confrontational to a boy. If something serious needs to be discussed, try broaching the subject during a walk or a game he likes to play.
Give Him Plenty of Hugs
Sometimes a good long, strong hug has the ability to change bad moods and negative attitudes faster than any words. Boys sometimes have more trouble verbalizing their problems. Watch his body language, and the next time your boy is acting grumpy or even lashing out, get down on his level and open your arms. Repeat often, and don’t stop as they grow older. It turns out that boys need to be touched two to three times as much as girls to release the same amount of oxytocin that is released during a hug, and brain imaging research shows that the amount of nurturing a child receives from his mother early in life may lead to a larger hippocampus (the area of the brain responsible for handling stress and building memory). And while little boys may be good at asking for hugs when they need some extra affection, boys aged 12 and up feel more insecure about it, even though they still need physical touch from their parents. So make it a habit now. Hugs for all, big or small.
Let Your Son Make Mistakes and Work Through Issues
Allowing our sons (and daughters, for that matter) to make mistakes and learn from them is an invaluable lesson that will help them establish trust in themselves and as a result, grow more confident and capable.