Positive Girl Culture & Friendships
During the all-girls sessions of our Midwest summer camp, we bring girls together from different cliques, grades, neighborhoods and life experiences. For many, our camp is the first and sometimes only positive all-female environment they have encountered. Trust and respect is emphasized in order to model new ways to form female friendships. In an all-girl environment, youth are given opportunity to practice leadership in our cabins and teams through leading activities, actively engaging in discussions, building consensus, and setting meaningful goals collectively and individually. I am strong, kind and smart, hilarious, capable, sweet, lovable, amazing, and enough.
At our camp, many of our parents comment how friendship issues are especially pertinent to middle school and high school girls, so navigating friendships for parents would be helpful. Indeed, for parents of girls, the middle school and high school years can be a scary time. During this period, friendship drama is at an all time high. Below are a few tips, culled from pieces by Gail Sears and Catherine Steiner-Adams, on great ways to help your daughter navigate the ins and outs of female friendship, and build a strong bond.
1. Listen and validate your daughter’s feelings
It is important for you to listen to your daughter, without offering your own opinion. When she does talk, start by listening and acknowledging what’s going on, rather than criticizing her or her friends.
2. Find a support group outside of school
When friendships at school turn sour, it is invaluable for girls to have an alternative support network. Given the amount of time spent at school, the propensity for gossip, exclusion, and other bullying behavior is much higher. Having a hobby outside of this group will give your daughter friends with mutual interests, and a place to function outside of school cliques. Furthermore, this will allow your daughter to seek out alternative mentors.
3. Ask what you can do to help
It can be very tempting to dive in and try to fix all your daughter’s problems for her. No parent wants to see their child upset. However, the best you can go do for your daughter is to give them the tools to handle friendships on their own.
4. Role model healthy friendships
As your daughter’s primary role model, be mindful of the way you speak about friends within your own circle. You should led by example—in asking your daughter to treat others with kindness and empathy, you should be sure to model this behavior yourself.
5. Teach her to say no
When confronted with relational bullying of a peer, teach your daughter to defend those on the receiving end. Gail Sears recommends, “To have a friend, you must be a friend… help her see the importance of avoiding gossip and competition but rather complimenting peers on their successes and speaking positively about others. When negative conversation arises, encourage her to change the subject, defend the person being criticized or walk away.”
Social media has also dramatically changed the way we communicate. Nowadays, social media is a powerful tool by which children can bully one another. Teach your daughter not to use social media to communicate any issues she may be having. Talk to your daughter about having an “out” phrase, to use if caught in the middle of any gossiping or mean spirited behavior online.