7 Parenting Behaviors to Maximize Leadership Potential
At our overnight summer camps near Chicago, we focus on empowering our campers and maximizing their leadership capabilities. I read a recent article on the topic by leadership trainer Kathy Caprino in conjunction with leadership expert Dr. Tim Elmore.
Below are some highlights from the piece, framed positively.
- Let our children experience risk
We live in a world that warns us of danger at every turn. The “safety first” preoccupation enforces our fear of losing our kids, so we do everything we can to protect them. We have insulated them from healthy risk-taking behavior and it’s had an adverse effect. If parents remove risk from children’s lives, we will likely experience high arrogance and low self-esteem in our growing leaders.
- Avoid “rescuing” too quickly
When we rescue too quickly and over-indulge our children with “assistance,” we remove the need for them to navigate hardships and solve problems on their own. Sooner or later, kids get used to someone rescuing them: “If I fail or fall short, an adult will smooth things over and remove any consequences for my misconduct.” When in reality, this isn’t even remotely close to how the world works, and therefore it disables our kids from becoming competent adults
Allow your children to attempt things that stretch them and even let them fail.
Furnish projects that require patience, so they learn to delay gratification. - Avoid raving too easily
This “everyone gets a trophy” mentality might make our kids feel special, but research is now indicating this method has unintended consequences. When we rave too easily and disregard poor behavior, children eventually learn to cheat, exaggerate and lie and to avoid difficult reality. They have not been conditioned to face it.
- Give your children what they need, not necessarily what they want
Tell them “no” or “not now,” and let them fight for what they really value and need. As parents, we tend to give them what they want when rewarding our children, especially with multiple kids. If your relationship is based on material rewards, kids will experience neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.
Teach them that life is about choices and trade-offs; they can’t do or have everything. - Share past mistakes
Share with them the relevant mistakes you made when you were their age in a way that helps them learn to make good choices. (Avoid negative “lessons learned” having to do with smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.) Also, kids must prepare to encounter slip-ups and face the consequences of their decisions. Share how you felt when you faced a similar experience, what drove your actions, and the resulting lessons learned.
Talk over the issues you wish you would’ve known about adulthood.
Discuss future consequences if they fail to master certain disciplines. - Distinguish between intelligence and maturity
Intelligence is often used as a measurement of a child’s maturity; as a result parents assume an intelligent child is ready for the world. There is no magic “age of responsibility” or a proven guide as to when a child should be given specific freedoms, but a good rule of thumb is to observe other children the same age as yours. If you notice that they are doing more themselves than your child does, you may be delaying your child’s independence.
- Practice what we preach
Model the life we want our children to live. We can start by only speaking honest words – “white lies” will surface and slowly erode character.
Show your kids what it means to give selflessly and joyfully by volunteering for a service project or with a community group. Leave people and places better than you found them, and your kids will take note and do the same.
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