How Intentional Parents Can Help Kids (and Themselves) Beat Regret

Regret is a powerful emotion. Whether it’s wishing you’d spent more time with your kids or made a different parenting decision, regret can weigh us down. It shows up when you least expect it and lingers way longer than you’d like. But what if there were research-backed ways to beat regret? Turns out, there are. Eric Barker’s excellent blog post, This Is How To Overcome Regret: 5 Secrets From Research, lays out practical steps to help us move forward. And here’s the best part: we can teach these strategies to our children, too. Here’s what intentional parents need to know.

Regret Is Universal—And Useful

Almost everyone experiences regret. Research shows that by age six, kids understand regret, and by age eight, they can anticipate it. While it’s painful, regret isn’t necessarily just a negative feeling. In fact, regret can actually improve decision-making, boost performance, and deepen meaning in life. When we reflect on our choices, we grow.

Reframe the Past: Regret Is a Sign You Care

Barker points out that regret isn’t all bad—it shows that you care and are capable of learning. That’s powerful. Instead of beating yourself up, recognize that regret reflects your values.

For your child, that might mean helping them view a lost soccer game not as failure, but as motivation to grow. And when you model this reframe yourself, they learn to beat regret by doing the same.

Action Beats Rumination

Thinking over and over about what you “should” have done doesn’t help. In fact, it often makes regret worse.

Instead, take action. Apologize. Reach out. Make a different choice next time. Show your child how to fix a mistake instead of wallowing in it. This builds resilience, confidence, and the ability to bounce back—a gift that keeps on giving.

Remember: It Could Have Been Worse

Gratitude is an underrated regret killer. Barker shares research showing that when we reflect on how things could’ve turned out worse, we actually feel better.

This works for kids, too. Help them shift focus. Didn’t make the team? What friendships or lessons came out of trying? Perspective helps us all find the good in the not-so-great.

Talk It Out

Regret lives in silence. But talking about it—especially with someone who won’t judge—can bring relief. Barker explains that expressing regret helps reduce its power.

Create that safe space for your child. When they mess up, encourage honest reflection, not punishment. That trust builds emotional intelligence and strengthens your relationship.

Give It Meaning

Here’s the big one: turn your regret into purpose. The most powerful way to beat regret is by using it to make meaning. Learn from it. Grow from it.

At Camp Kupugani, we help kids do just that. We believe in helping children develop resilience and a growth mindset. In a safe, supportive environment, campers explore how their choices shape their future—and how mistakes can be stepping stones to becoming the best version of themselves. Our inclusive camp community encourages kids to take healthy risks, build strong connections, and learn from their experiences. By practicing these skills in a supportive environment, campers return home better equipped to handle regret and make positive choices. It’s a space where intentional parenting meets personal growth, even when you’re not right there beside them.

The Four Types of Regret

Understanding the main types of regret helps us guide our children:

• Foundation Regrets: These come from not acting responsibly, like not studying or saving money. Teach your kids to focus on long-term goals and do the work now.
• Boldness Regrets: These are about missed opportunities. Encourage your child to take healthy risks and try new things, even if it feels scary.
• Moral Regrets: These arise when we act against our values. Model and discuss integrity, kindness, and honesty so your child learns to do the right thing, even when it’s hard.
• Connection Regrets: These come from letting relationships fade. Remind your kids to reach out to friends and family, and to value their connections.

How to Help Kids Cope With Regret

Even with the best intentions, everyone makes mistakes. Here’s how you can help your child process regret in a healthy way:

• Encourage Open Communication: Talking or writing about regrets can ease their emotional burden. Let your child know it’s safe to share their feelings with you.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Teach your child to forgive themselves. Ask, “If your friend made this mistake, what would you say to them?” Help them extend that same kindness to themselves.
• Find the Lesson: Guide your child to look for what they can learn from the experience. Move from “If only…” to “At least…”—finding the silver lining can turn regret into growth.

Building a Regret-Resistant Mindset

Intentional parenting means guiding your child to embrace life’s ups and downs. Encourage them to act with courage, integrity, and care for others. Remind them that regrets are simply lessons waiting to be learned. At Camp Kupugani, we help parents nurture these qualities, so children can grow into confident, compassionate adults.

Parenting Without Regret

Regret doesn’t need to be a trap. It can be a teacher. When you embrace these strategies, you’re not only freeing yourself from guilt—you’re modeling a mindset of growth for your child.

And when your child learns to process, reflect, and grow from their own regrets, they’re better equipped for life’s ups and downs. That’s the kind of resilience we value at Camp Kupugani, where intentional parenting gets a powerful boost.

How will you help your child turn regret into a stepping stone for growth?

Inspired by Eric Barker’s summary of Dan Pink’s research in “This Is How To Overcome Regret: 5 Secrets From Research” at bakadesuyo.com.