3 Ways to Foster Independence in your Child
At our summer camp outside of Chicago, we recognize how we contribute to the growth and independence of our campers. We also recognize that is every (okay, most) parents’ dream to have a self-reliant, successful child! However;, it’s also becoming more common for parents to dread the day their child leaves the nest. What parents forget is that self-sufficiency can help a child grow tremendously. One way to kick-start a child’s feelings of independence is to foster their independence. Here are three ways from psychologist Christine Carter explaining how. Excerpts below, with the full article at this link.
(1) Foster the growth-mindset, or the belief that people are successful because of their hard work and effort rather than their innate talents.
- When kids believe that their success comes from raw talent, they become risk-averse and generally they don’t try as hard.
- One hypothesis about why our kids have become home-bodies is that our culture has become so achievement-oriented that we are teaching kids to fear challenge and risk. If they aren’t instantly good at something, they assume they must not be talented at it. And if they are good at something, we tell them they are talented, which also tends to make them fear challenge. When kids avoid challenge and risk, they get stuck in place.
When we foster the growth-mindset, instead, kids embrace challenge with less fear.
(2) Teach kids to make their own luck.
- Kids raised during recessions are more likely to believe that luck plays a larger role in their success, which means that they tend not to try as hard.
- In addition to emphasizing how important effort is for success, we can actively teach kids that they can increase their own luck with a little effort and know-how.
(3) Send kids to a sleep-away camp for a week or two over the summer.
- Let them practice being away from you in a safe environment.
- They get a break from their often high-pressure and high-stress academic lives; they get a chance to commune with the great outdoors, without the influence of the media or the distraction of electronics; they build social skills and long-lasting social connections.
- It allows kids to gain valuable independence and confidence in their ability to solve their own problems—without mom or dad.
- While our children are learning how to deal with their homesickness at summer camp, many parents in our generation also need to practice coping with “kid-sickness,” those intense feelings of separation anxiety parents get when they are away from their children. Gripped by those feelings, many parents inadvertently stunt their children’s growth, condemning them to become the “stuck-at-home generation.”
- Kids who are afraid to leave the nest will make different decisions than they would if they weren’t distracted or held back by fear. Their lives will likely be less meaningful, less fulfilling, and, probably, less happy. As Andre Gide once said, our children “cannot discover new oceans unless [they have] the courage to lose sight of the shore.”