We’re in Charge of Our Own Happiness
At our multicultural summer camp, we’re always mindful about intentional ways to empower girl campers and boy campers, as well as how we can better our own lives.
I came across an old article the other day (a blog post by Stephanie Jacobs, citing the work of M.J. Ryan, executive coach and author of “The Happiness Makeover”–the link has since disappeared). It described the link between positive psychology and happiness. The main takeaway is that, whatever your innate happiness level, you can cultivate additional happiness by acting and thinking positively. The original article was phrased in the negative, so I’ve paraphrased much of it to make positive recommendations as below.
Expect good outcomes.
Imagining good outcomes minimizes negative emotions like worry and fear that, in turn, ignite the stress response. Avoiding chronic stress enhances your body’s immune system, and paves the way for experiencing a positive feeling, like happiness. “You can’t have a negative emotion and a positive emotion simultaneously,” says Ryan. “It’s physiologically not possible.”
Be accountable for your own happiness.
Your happiness is your own responsibility. Try turning your focus within: What are the gifts that I have, who am I and what do I have uniquely to offer, and when I go and offer that, I feel better and happier. If you feel you deserve to be happy and external factors [insert kid, parent, spouse, job, car or new pair of shoes here] is supposed to make you happy, “There’s absolutely positive proof that that’s just not true,” says Ryan. “For a moment something else can actually boost us up, but it’s only a matter of time before we’re looking for the next thing.”
Accept that life isn’t supposed to be “perfect”
The world is imperfect, as is life. So you’re fighting a losing battle if you think yours can be. If you’re always in a state of discontent—bemoaning what’s wrong with, or missing from or undesirable about your life, you’re probably not thinking about what is actually good about it. “Ask yourself three questions at the end of the day,” says Ryan. “What am I thankful for today? What did I enjoy today? And what am I satisfied about today?” Focus on what you do have—be it pets, relationships, experiences, favorite places—so you don’t have to think about what you don’t have. Research has even shown that a regular practice of gratitude—simply asking yourself questions like those above has been found to increase happiness.
Be generous.
Generosity can make you happier. People who simply do five small random acts of kindness—putting a quarter in someone else’s parking meter or opening the door for someone—have been found to be happier than those who don’t, says Ryan. “In doing these things, we activate the part of our brains that give us a little endorphin boost so we feel better.”
The bottom line.
In every circumstance, you have a choice to think positively. Those wholesome thoughts will serve you well and make you happier.
What do you think of these ways to maximize happiness? Please share tips that you have that can be added to those above.