25 Ways to Avoid Yelling
As a camp director of our multicultural summer camp for girls-only and boys-only, parents often compliment me on my “way” with children, as we serve as substitute summer parents for their precious cargo. In the summers, we get the benefit of having amazing staff who seem to have boundless energy and patience.
In the non-summer months, as I get older, sometimes my own boundless energy and patience isn’t quite as boundless as it used to be. Although I give myself credit for being a pretty good and mindful parent most of the time, and give my grade school aged son credit for being a pretty “good” person most of the time, there are occasional times when the not-so-good child interacts with the not-so-patient Papa. In those times, I have to admit that I really really want to raise my voice (and occasionally do), and sometimes become not as intentional parent as I want to be.
Fortunately, I came across a cool blog from a parent committed to going a year without yelling. Below are 25 of my favorite alternatives (from her list of 100).
Fun Alternatives
- Start talking jibberish (makes kids laugh & stop pummeling each other)
- Start a Dance Party (adrenaline + fun, what’s not to love?)
- Start Playing with the kids (makes you realize how fun it is to be a kid!)
- Grab children and hug them (it just feels good all over for everyone!)
“I look like a Fool” Alternatives
- Shake body, arms and legs (like The Wiggles, Shake shake Shake your silly’s out)
- Get on back and put legs and arms in the air and howl like a Dog (yes, I did this)
“I’ll be considered a bad parent” Alternatives
- Close your eyes & put head in hands in disbelief. Nope I have NEVER done this either.
- Close eyes and picture yourself on a beach, with a daiquiri in hand (takes you to your happy place)
Preventive Alternatives (surround yourself with reminders that you don’t want to yell)
- Post pictures of kids in problem areas (forces you to fall in love all over again)
- Use aromatherapy lotion on hands…instead of slamming a door in frustration (massage is relaxing)
- Say “I love you. I love you. I love you.” (Hard to yell when you realize you love someone).
- Think things could be worse (yes he’s on table, but he isn’t swinging from the chandelier. Yet.)
- Ask your child WHY are you doing that? (the response will make you go, duh)
- Go through yelling motions but don’t let voice out (shocks kids and yourself that you didn’t yell, releases endorphins from pride!)
“You’ll think I am cheesy” Alternatives
- Call a family council meeting and have everyone sit criss-cross applesauce (forces kids to stop)
- Look at TV and pretend there is a hidden camera (fear of judgment works wonders)
- Smile (rumor has it if you fake it, you’ll feel it?)
- Cry. Yup cry. Show your kids you’re frustrated (brings out empathy from kiddos & new behavior)
- Say positive thoughts out loud (forces you to see good, not bad and forces desire to be kind)
- Pull out family photo album (takes everyone to a happy, smiley place)
- Tell your kids how you feel (gets love and concern and teaches them to express feelings!)
More Serious/Expected Alternatives:
- Count to 10. Or 100. Or 1000 until you calm down. (forces one to regroup and get perspective)
- Walk away (more opportunity to gain perspective)
- Whisper (don’t know why this works, it just does!)
- Turn the Lights off (the shocking factor stops kids in tracks and adds calmness)
For the full list, check out her site at this link.
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