7 Positive Psychology Parenting Tips
We’ve talked a bit in the past about the importance of positive psychology—basically, the more we can focus on the positives of things rather than the negatives, the more happiness will be created. This is also a technique we try to emphasize at our multicultural summer camp, and something that empowers our girl campers and boy campers.
The positive psychology applies quite a bit to parenting. An old article I recently came across again does a good job of summarizing some good parenting techniques that can really help. Below are some tips excerpted and paraphrased from the Kidshealth.org article.
Catch Kids Being Good
Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find that yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well-intentioned? The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked…” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scoldings. Make a point of finding something to notice that’s positive every day, or every hour, or every 30 minutes. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see.
Make Time for Your Kids
It’s often difficult to “make” the time for your kids. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child, or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren’t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they’re sure to be noticed that way.
Create a “special night” each week to be together and let your kids help decide how to spend your time. Look for other ways to connect — put a note or something special in your kid’s lunchbox.
Adolescents seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger children. Because there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teens to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with your teen communicates caring and lets you get to know more about your child and his or her friends in important ways.
Don’t feel guilty if you’re a working parent. It is the many little things you do — making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping — that kids will remember.
Be a Good Role Model
Kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be constantly aware that you’re being observed by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.
Model the traits you wish to cultivate in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you.
Make Communication a Priority
You can’t expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, “say so.” They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don’t take time to explain, kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way.
Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, express your feelings, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child’s suggestions as well. Negotiate. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.
Be Flexible and Willing to Adjust Your Parenting Style
If you frequently feel “let down” by your child’s behavior, it may be because you have unrealistic expectations. Parents who think in “shoulds” (for example, “My kid should be potty-trained by now”) may find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or child development specialists.
Kids’ environments have an impact on their behavior, so you may be able to modify that behavior by changing the environment. If you find yourself constantly saying “no” to your 2-year-old, look for ways to restructure your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you.
As your child changes, you’ll gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won’t work as well in a year or two.
Teenagers tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. But continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your teen to earn more independence. And seize every available moment to make a connection!
Show That Your Love Is Unconditional
As a parent, you’re responsible for correcting and guiding your kids. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child receives it. When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage, even when disciplining your kids. Make sure they know that although you want and expect better next time, your love is there no matter what.
Be Aware of Your Own Needs and Limitations as a Parent
Face it — you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities — “I am loving and dedicated.” Vow to work on your weaknesses — “I need to be more consistent with discipline.” Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your kids. You don’t have to have all the answers — be forgiving of yourself.
And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person (or as a couple).
Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children.
How can you use positive psychology and some of the above tips to help your intentional parenting? Please share your thoughts in the comments…we’d love to hear more and help each other as parents and youth serving professionals!
Keep Up to Date
Have access to incredible articles and keep up to date with all Camp Kupugani life here!