Thoughts on Fostering Child Independence
If you have seen our recently released video of parent testimonials, you’ll notice a theme that ties them all together–fostering independence. Almost every parent mentions that their child comes back more independent than when they first dropped them off at Camp Kupugani.
Outside of camp, children are typically seen as somewhat incompetent beings dependent upon adults, with the expectation that children will eventually gain independence during their young adult years.
However, at camp we recognize that, at a younger age, independence not only helps children now and later on in life, but also improves their relationships with their parents. Many parents are wary that independence minimizes a parent-child relationship; instead, once children gain independence, not only can they learn more about the larger world, but parents can play a greater role in teaching them. Parents can share their experiential knowledge and teach them how to take care of themselves while maintaining a nurturing relationship.
In my own experience, I learned about independence at a young age through camp, sports, and the like. I would make my own lunches and sometimes make dinner for my parents when I was as young as age twelve. Then my mom would teach me more about the art of cooking–secrets she’d picked up and common sense of all things kitchen.
My family would also often go camping. I used to think my parents would magically come across a state park after driving around on the back roads. Later, when I decided one high school summer that I wanted to plan a vacation for my family, my parents taught me how to search for things to do, places to stay, gastronomic delights, and the like. Not only did I learn about the process of all of these tasks but I also learned more about the lives of my parents–where they had visited, who taught them how to cook and sew, and the funny stories they gained from failures.
If we guard our children from independence to keep them under our wings, even under the guise of protecting or sheltering them, we not only damage them but we are also damaged as parents. Our children grow up not knowing things caretaking skills, traveling, thinking for themselves, and the like, and we aren’t able to share our stories with them. Will you take the leap and let your child find independence or will you wrap them in the shadow of your wing?